Jeremy, Richard & James Buy Sports Cars Under £1.5K | Top Gear Classic
[Jeremy] I was the first to arrive with my two-door coupé that isn't a Porsche. What it is, is a Mitsubishi Starion. I've, um… I've always loved these things. And this is the last one ever imported into Britain. It's a wide-bodied 2.6-litre turbo, 14 years old, done 81,000 miles. Few bumps and scrapes, of course, but mechanically quite good order. James had bought himself a 1,000-year-old antique. Well, James. – It's a Jag. It's got 12 cylinders and it's gold, sir. Look at that. [Jeremy] It's… I'm really quite cross, because it doesn't appear to be… I mean, I assumed…
Because I never even bothered looking for an XJS because I thought it would just be rubbish for this money. I never bothered looking for a Starion because I just knew it was rubbish, full stop. [Jeremy] Don't you like the DeLorean rear… thing? – Yes, did DeLorean use gaffer tape as well? [Jeremy] And finally, Hammond arrived. I knew he'd buy a BM… A-reg! – Actually, it looks very good. – Yeah! Ha-ha! Your handbrake working well there then, is it? – Yeah. – Is it? Oh, dear. It's, you know, reasonably well. Anyway… He's bought a grandfather clock! – He has. Let's just have a look at this.
– Hang on a minute. – Is it an M… What is it? – He's forgotten to put his red braces on. – Oh, shut up. This is a 635, 1993. – Five?! – Oh, yeah! [Jeremy] That's a 635?! [Richard] 635, within budget. What have you got? Oh, my God! – What? – It's a wheelie bin. Look at it! We have to get on with this challenge because have you seen under his car? [Richard] Pool of oil and it's growing. [James] Oh, there's plenty in there, though.
So first challenge and it is here. Thank you very much. High-speed bowl challenge. You will drive around a banked high-speed circuit as quickly as possible. 140mph is your target speed. Points are lost for failing to achieve it and gained for beating it. [Richard] OK, here we go. Top speed of that car, when it was shiny and new in 1984, was 142mph. Many, many years and moons have passed since then. The Hamster was in the wheel, but his car wasn't going to be rushed.
105. 110. I don't think it's got much more to give. 115mph, Hamster. [Richard] I've only got 110 showing on the clock. You see, it's a BMW. It's even discreet and underestimates its speed. How do I get off? Right, here we are entering the bowl. – I just… – Here he comes. Here he comes. That's the slowest car ever at Millbrook. I'm moving into the top lane. Buffeting. Flipping heck. That felt fast! That's oil. God, this is awful. And what was the speed? Error. – What do you mean, error? – He'll never do that again. Why does that never happen with the police? – It smells. The oil pressure has disappeared. It's going to explode. [Jeremy] Look at the smoke. James's grandfather clock had reached the 140mph target speed. But it had paid the price. Ah! Yep, that's broken. It looks awful. [Richard] It sounds terrible. [Jeremy] And to start with, it was disappointingly slow, but I wasn't worried. I do have one secret weapon, which is the bloke I bought it from, has fitted some device to the turbocharger and I'm not joking, that gives me sort of extra boost.
I'm going to try that now. Oh, my God! The afterburner certainly upped the speed. But, unfortunately, it also undressed the car. Where's his thing gone off the back? [James] Yes. – Right, is that your attempt at going faster, shedding weight on the way round? How fast was it? – (MUMBLING) A hundred and… – What? – (MUMBLING) 119. – A hundred and… – 19, which is faster than me, yes. Yes! That said, James's clock was the winner, even though it did need an oil and water transplant before it could face the next challenge. This challenge is designed to test the quality of the ride in your cars. Each of you must drive along the dreaded cobbled pavé course at 30mph, with a bowl of water on your lap. [Jeremy] This is Belgian pavé. Very, very bumpy. – Yes. – And James is going to have a very wet… Or is he? – Well, I hate to say this. Do you not think he stands a pretty good chance in that Jag? [James] And here we go.
And that's a disaster already. Oh, my God. He has achieved 30. [James] I haven't felt like this since I was a very small boy. Oh, that's a bit of a wobble there. That was a splash. No! It's flying everywhere. [Jeremy] Oh, yes. It's very bumpy. (JEREMY AND RICHARD LAUGH) [Richard] Oh, that's not the first time that's happened, is it? – Richard? – Yeah. That happened in a Jaguar. Yes, exactly. This is a car with one of the world's best ride qualities. So you, sir, in your sporty BMW are probably going to drown.
This may not look like a lot of water. Can I just point out…. Very firm suspension in a 635. Not the car I would choose if I was going to drive over some Belgian pastries with a bucket of water on my lap. In my lap. Oh! It's ever so cold. Ooh, this is like being old. Argh! – Thank you very much. – Yes, he's quite wet. [Richard] Yeah. Beige trousers, big… Big problem there.
It's… [James] How did you get it up here? I'm only small. I mean it's… That's somebody else's waistband. [James] Finally, it was Jeremy's turn. And he had a bit of a handicap. Problem, I have is, of course, is I have a manual unlike the other two. So I actually have to physically move my legs in order to change gear. The gearbox, however, was the least of my worries.
[James] You know, the bonnet just bounced up. That will have chucked it all in his crotch. I so hope so. No! Oh, no! [Richard] Just from his expression… Ah, well done. – Jeremy what was… – Let me take that. I think we can already tell… Oh, yeah. Yeah. It's not pleasant, is it? If you do that, then your trouser legs don't touch your legs. So it was another victory for the grandfather clock. But the smile was about to be wiped off James's face. Right. Your coupés were renowned for their sporty character in the 1980s… – 90s with mine, 90s. – 90s, in your case. But how will they measure up today on the fearsome Alpine circuit? – Well, badly. – That's this? – That's this thing, I think. The Stig will drive a lap in each car. One minute and five seconds is the target time. You lose a point for every second slower than that and gain a point for every second faster. [Richard] I decided that my BMW should tackle the web of hills and off-camber corners first, before the British Leyland Jag had the chance to coat them all with a film of oil.
– Oh, here he comes. – Look at that. [Richard] It looks brilliant. [Jeremy] 30, 30mph. [Richard] Get off! That's moving. Look at it corner level… ish. Lean… – Ooh! Understeer! Run for your lives! Made quite a good noise as well, actually. – That's because five of the cylinders were working. – But they're working well. – The lap time for the BMW is one minute and one second.
Yes, I thank you. I've won something, possibly. [Jeremy] Next up was the mighty Starion. Manual gearbox, the lightest of the three, I was confident the pedigree racer would romp to victory here. Look at that. Already, that's quicker than yours. No, it's quicker through here. [James] Not convinced. See that back, just kicking there. See the back? – Flopping. – Not flopping! – The lap time for the Mitsubishi Starion is one minute dead. No! Got good brakes, good steering, good handling. Everything about it is… You bought the wrong car, Richard. But when it comes to wrong cars, the Torrey Canyon takes some beating. Will it make the hill? I'd love it to stop and roll back down. [James] It doesn't look that fast, actually. [Richard] It's not. Oh, my word. – See the Stig? – And the time for the Jaguar XJS is one minute and nine seconds. Rubbish. That's poor. [Jeremy] Not only had James's car lost, but yet more vital fluids had been spilled.
There's evidence of its blood. Can you see, it's bleeding?.
